What are Hedges? WHY YOU NEED THEM!

Spiritual leaders, you can fortify your marriage against Infidelity!

At the time of writing this post, I am aware of two senior pastors of large membership churches that have fallen into sexual sin. The most recent situation has left a thriving congregation saddened, dismayed, angry and depressed. But such events only remind us that spiritual leaders of all sizes of churches from mega churches to small store fronts have encountered and presently face formidable attacks from our enemy (Satan) on all sides. He is determined and vicious as he ruthlessly destroys the careers of small and great ministers. Every day we learn of mega and “regular sized” churches whose pastors who have fallen because of the 7th Commandment’s violation. Again I say, these falls are very demoralizing to the church’s members and their corporate organizations. Many of Satan’s attacks would be rendered impotent if only his intended victims had been vigilant in exercising “hedges”. Marriages would be saved. Congregations would be stabillized. Potential members would not have the “ammuntion of the criticism” (the church is full of hypocrites!), “that’s why I’m not joining!” The reputation and public perception of the ministry would be preserved……(to list only a few benefits) IF ONLY HEDGES HAD BEEN EMPLOYED!

We can learn lessons from the French and later the Germans in adopting the use of hedgerows.  While American farms and yards are separated by fences — split rail fences in the early days and mostly barbed wire by the World War II years — the farms in Normandy were separated by ancient hedgerows.

Originally built by the Romans, the hedgerows were mounds of dirt raised in irregular patterns that served as fences between plots of land. Irrigation ditches with raised sides provided water to all the fields and animals.

Over the hundreds of years since the dirt mounds were raised, thick, tall growths of plants had turned the ditches into tunnels and raised virtual walls of up to 16 feet on top of the mounds.

Each of these enclosures was a virtual fortress, and the Germans had spent months preparing their defenses. They practiced moving through the hedges, selected areas for machine guns and anti-tank weapons, and practiced firing from trees into nearby enclosures.

Perhaps most importantly, they had planted stakes near the most likely routes of American troops and had mapped the locations of the stakes by coordinates, allowing defenders to quickly and accurately call fire onto the advancing Allies. You can easily see that Allied and American military forces caught in these hedgerow defenses were no match for the Germans! In fact, their slaugter could essentially be called a “Turkey Shoot”!

It would be most helpful if we could “get back to basics” in managing our professional and ministerial lives as we protect our marriages. Below is the story of what happened to the first married couple mostly due to the lack of using hedges to protect their relationship with God. Their failure to protect their relationship with God caused them to lose their unique relationship with the entire Creation that God had gifted them with. Having lost their innocency, authority, and holiness…..everything, from that point, was downhill.

The First Marriage – (What God intended it to be and do)

The Story is found in Genesis 2: 18-25

2:18    And the LORD God said, [It is] not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. 1:28   And God blessed them, and God said unto them, be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth,

2:19   And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought [them] unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that [was] the name thereof. 

 2:20  And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. 

 2:21   And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; 

 2:22  And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. 

 2:23  And Adam said, This [is] now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. 

 2:24  Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. 

 2:25  And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. 

THEN, SOMETHING HAPPENED!! WHY? See: Genesis 3: 1-19

3:1 Now the serpent was more subtle than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?
3:2 And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden:
3:3 But of the fruit of the tree which [is] in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.
3:4 And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die:
3:5 For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.
3:6 And when the woman saw that the tree [was] good for food, and that it [was] pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make [one] wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.
3:7 And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they [were] naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons.
3:8 And they heard the voice of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God amongst the trees of the garden.
3:9 And the LORD God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where [art] thou?
3:10 And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I [was] naked; and I hid myself.
3:11 And he said, Who told thee that thou [wast] naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?
3:12 And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest [to be] with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.
3:13 And the LORD God said unto the woman, What [is] this [that] thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.
3:14 And the LORD God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou [art] cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life:
3:15 And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel.
3:16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire [shall be] to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.
3:17 And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed [is] the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat [of] it all the days of thy life;
3:18 Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field;
3:19 In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou [art], and unto dust shalt thou return.

What did God intend for marriage to accomplish for humanity?

1. Companionship: “Humans should not be alone”. God created us social beings. We cannot function well, survive, or thrive simply living alone without contact and interaction with other humans.

2. Helpmeet: Adam needed someone to accompany him through life. Now, this was when there was no sin….everything was perfect; because God said, “It (His Creation) was good and very good.” BUT, Man was alone and needed somebody of his genre to be with. As a “sidebar”, if Adam needed someone to help him in a world with no sin…..What does that say to us today with the myriad of challenges we face?

3. Procreation: (within the bonds of marriage): Genesis 1:27  “So God created man in his [own] image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.” While it is true that nowadays attempts are being made and have been made to normalize same sex “child-bearing” and nurturing of families. But no one has been able to improve on God’s original plan of a male and a female coming together in sexual union within the bonds of Holy Matrimony to experience the miracle of procreation.

4. Exclusive Love with one person: God created humankind for a monogamous relationship with one person of the opposite sex. Those of us who are wise can see His Infinite wisdom with such an insightful move, especially when we observe all of the confusion and trouble that is caused by individuals (men and women) who are involved in serial relationships with many offspring by multiple fathers and mothers.

5. Reciprocal Love: God forsaw that humans needed someone to love and receive love from. This need, we all humans have is God-created. We will obtain it any we can from whoever or whatever we can. Of course, our drive to fill this need often leads to dangerous and consuming addictions that injure ourselves and others. (especially if we try to get it from sources God never intended for us or through chemicals or other methods)

Why did the hedgerows work so well for the Germans? The answer is obvious! Their defenses were so formidable the Allies had little or no chance of getting at them easily or at all, because they were protected by the hedges.

So what does that say to us today about our marriages? Our marriage relationship and our spiritual calling are two of the most important gifts that God has entrusted to our stewardship. They both deserve and require our utmost protection, nurturing and care. Like the hedgerows in France, successful and happy marriages are not bult overnight. They start from a good foundation and build up year after year. Getting back to hedgerows, eventually, the Allies found a way to breach the hedgerows; but not before there was much loss of life.

So! Let’s talk about hedges! What are they and why do we need them withn the context of marital relationships? Think about this: Eve became a victim to the lying insinuations of Satan because she believed his lies over cherishing and utilizing the Truth God had entrusted to her. Looking back on her experience we can conclude that both Adam and Eve could have successfully withstood this attack had they utilized what we now rcognize as “Hedges”.

Hedges are: The term Hedges, was first brought to the public’s attention in an outstanding book of the same title by Jerry B. Jenkins in 1989. To introduce hedges briefly, we can define them simply as “boundaries”. Boundaries can be defined as invisible barriers that are practiced or used to show where one thing ends and something else begins. Some people say that these invisible barriers helps us sort out where one person ends and the other person begins. They help you to define for yourself what you are comfortable with emotionally, physically, ethically, morally and spiritually. Your understanding and conviction about your boundaries and the boundaries of others dictate how you will interact with other people and what you expect from them.

The caveats to the development and deployment of hedges/boundaries are nurture or upbringing, education, innate tendancies or (genetics even), spiritual convictions, influence of modelling, self-concept and willingness to commit to someone or something. If you were reared or “raised” in an atmosphere where your self-esteem was not allowed to develop normally, it is likley you will have boundary problems manifested by either being too agressive vs assertive, or so passive as to try to please everyone at your own expense. It is easy to conclude that depending on how one developes cognitively and emotionally, they could become either narccisistic, selfish, opinionated, self-righteous OR or “normal” OR a person with no “backbone” and a people pleaser. Having boundaries and exercising them not only governs how you treat or relate to others; but they also project to others how you wish to be treated by them.

Now, let’s go back to Adam & Eve in the Garden of Eden. It is easy for us to pontificate thousands of years later, what they, “coulda, woulda, shoulda done” to have kept us out of all of the mess we are in today! Notice a few things that they could have done or should have done to prevent their fall. It is noteworthy for us contemporary humans to realize that the circumstances may be different; but the principles are the same as were used by Satan at the beginnning in the Garden of Eden!

1. Their first mistake was for Eve to listen to and try to spar intellectually with Satan. We are no match for Satan mentally. She should never have taken the time to argue/talk with him.
2. After listening to Satan’s spiel about God apparently holding something from them that would “make one wise”, Eve fantasized about being something other than herself. We need to consider WHAT led to Eve’s fantasizing? Like most sins we commit, Eve was tempted by what she saw with her own eyes. The temptation had been planted by Lucifer, the serpent that she was “missing something” in her life. She coveted that “wisdom” that the serpent alluded to.
3. She then did not consult with her husband and took action unilaterally to get what she “thought she wanted”. A vacuum of intimacy caused her do to this. She should have discussed this with Adam first!
4. Eve then forced Adam to make a difficult choice (which he failed) to believe God or to believe his wife and Satan.
5. Finally Adam “caved in” and grabbed the fruit and ate it knowing the consequences predicted by God. Obviously Adam did not trust God!
6. Adam and Eve had been given very specific directions/commands about what they could touch and eat and what to avoid contact with. There was no ambiguity about God’s tree or the gravity of his command or the punishment to be administered if they violated his command. While it is true that they were tempted , they were not compelled or forced to sin. How do we know? Hebrews 4:15 informs us that “For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as [we are, yet] without sin”. Let us be clear. To be tempted externally is not sin. It only becomes sin when we internalize the thought, image or fantasy and then cherish thoughts, fantasies or images. Their collective sin was consensual. They, unfortunately, chose to sin. Consequently, they “didn’t get what they wanted and they lost what they had!”

Now before we get on “our high horses” and criticize our first parents so harshly, we need to look carefully at what happened to them and how these same principles apply to married couples today who commit sexual sins. Yes, Adam and Eve did not commit sexual sin on this occasion but the principles that were violated are the same ones we deal with today!

I chose to discuss boundaries or hedges because this is where all sins that lead to moral failure begin……… with a failure to utilize hedges. Realizing that I am addressing married couples and religious leaders, I take for granted that some if not most of my readers are believers of the Bible. Having said that we are going to look at hedges from the Biblical/Spiritual perspective. These are the hedges one should plant and maintain:

1. Hedge #1 – Guard the “Avenues to your soul”: James 1: 13-15 counsels us to: 1:13 Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man:1:14 But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.1:15 Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death. In other words, gurard what you look at, how you look at it. Eve was tempted sonically by what the serpent told her. But being that she was in the presence of the object of the temptation, she looked at it too long. The longer she looked the more it appealed to her. Job said in Job 31:1 “I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid?” This is what married men and women can say and implement in their lives to prevent getting into trouble. The “roving eye” can cause one to get into a lot of trouble. It is best not to “lock eyes” with anyone but your spouse; unless you are telegraphing a disciplinary look at one of your children or some other person to whom you may want to convey a message of disapproval or approval without speaking to them verbally.

2. Hedge #2 – Be careful what you listen to, what you allow others to say to you, and definitely what you say to others of the opposite sex. No, the temptation in Eve’s case was not sex. But be assured that the principle was the same. Many violators of their marriage vows say they do not know how or why they got into an affair. (and they sinccerely may not know) In most cases people get into trouble by talking too much and listening too much to individuals of the opposite sex about things they should be talking to their spouses about. When so much of this kind of communication goes on, the couple begins to bond on a level that can and does erode the communication and bonding in their respective marital relationships. (that is if they are both married) If this trend continues; one of the parties may experience a crisis or some other disagreement with their spouse. Unfortunately, in many cases, the angry or disenchanted (for whatever reason) spouse may seek comfort or validation from that person with whom they have been bonding. At some point many individuals imagine that “their friend”, “will get me through this!” Be careful what you say and what you listen to if you would avoid getting into a marital affair.

3. Hedge #3 – Do not allow yourself to be “captured” by the magnetism of daydreaming and fantasizing about anyone other than your spouse. This is where infidelity starts, in most cases…..in the mind. Anyone who says, “I just did it”, or “It’s not what it looks like”, are in denial. Such thinking is a clear sign of faulty thinking patterns. Unfortunately, they are not taking into consideration nor accepting the responsibility that all adultery begins with the lust that is conceived mentally, and the thoughts that are cherished and planned all the way to execution. Such persons are victims of self-deception and are held captive of such reasoning until they choose to be honest with themselves. The Apostle James writes this about the evolution of sexual sin. 1:14 “But every man (and woman) is tempted, when he/she is drawn away of his/her own lust, and enticed.
1:15 Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.” Conclusion: Unless one is forcibly raped or sexually violated while they were sleep or unconcious; their involvement in sexual sin was deliberate, thoughtful, willful, and planned.

4. Hedge #4 – Be Aware of your vulnerability: Too many of the pastors who said, “It could never happen to me” are now former pastors. It can and will happen to you if you think you can toy with little flirtations and sexual fantasies and remained untouched. RESPECT the compelling power of the sex drive! If you indulge erotic and romantic longings, (specifically if they are not about your spouse) they will inevitably win over your rational thought.

5. Hedge #5 – Guard your verbal and physical expressions or responses to members of the opposite sex. Monitor what you say and what you allow to be said to you. Remember that as a public figure your position puts you right in the middle of sombody’s crosshairs as a target to set their affections on. In most cases you exude self-confidence and power. People are attracted to these displays of qualities and emotional strength. Consequently, congregants “waste no time” in expressing adoration and “worship” of such leaders. Unfortunately, the attention sometimes “goes to the head” of some leaders. They even get a “high” from the hype and adoration; which can mind and mood-altering.

6. Hedge #6 – We started this section talking about verbal and physical expressions and how you should guard both: expressions you communicate and expressions you receive. This area is a “mine field” of dangers. How so? I am sure that we do not have to discuss “innocent” innuendo. But we do! Communication experts and psychologists tell us that in many instances individuals express in a joke or light-hearted statement what they really mean but want you to accept it sublimably. The joke is actually a smoke screen for what you really wanted to say in plain English. It would be alright if the person to whom you directed such a joke actually mentally processed it as “just a joke”. But many times this is not the case. They may shoot you back a response of like kind but with a different agenda in mind. What do I mean? You may have made the remark to a emotionally needy person and they took it to heart and began to fantasize about what you said. You may have not meant anything by your remark; but that is not the way your hearer understood it. Unwittingly you have thrown a lighted match into a barn of dry hay. You are going to have a disasterous fire on your hands! In a later blog, I will have a story about what happened when one cleric allowed a situation like this to get out of hand.

“HEDGEROWS 101” is a monthly blog, offered to keep ministry abreast of the need to keep clergy (and laity) marriages fulfilling, healthy, spiritual, pure, and strong. We will be addressing issues that we all face in marriage. We trust that you will be interested enough to read the blogs, share them, respond to them and also suggest topics to address in the future. If the interest is there, we will shorten the time between blogs.

We will talk more about this topic in our next blog. Your comments are welcome. “Hedgerows 101” is a monthly blog to aid us in “Keeping our Hedges green and strong”. Some excerpts and related material in this post are from God’s Holey Men Need Mending; And So Do You! (A Manual on Repairing Marriage) by Author: Charles E. Creech, MA Min., ADC. Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and other media platforms.

• “How Do Cheaters LIE?…..Let me count the ways!”
• How to “Affair Proof” your marriage!
• You Had An Emotional Affair; But Didn’t Know It!
• ” DO YOU NEED AN ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNER? “
• I ‘LL FORGIVE YOU, BUT I’LL NEVER FORGET IT!