You are probably asking why a topic like this?? I’ll tell you why. Because many individuals live “goody two shoes lives!” They boast: “I have never told a lie in my life! I hate liars! There is nothing I hate worse than liars!” My sincere hope is that any such individuals blinded by the brightness of their self-righteous image will realize they have “feet of clay” like everyone else. They need to be freed from their condition of self-deception before it is too late. I hope this blog helps such individuals on to the pathway of self-discovery that will overcome their delusion.
The topic of this blog borrows a little from the spirit and tone of Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s Sonnet 43 (“How Do I Love Thee?”) Most of us know about George Washington and his father’s cherry tree. The story as we know it is, that young George cut his father’s tree down with a brand new axe that was given to him by his father, no less. We also know that this story is a fable extolling the virtures of being truthful. As this story alludes to understanding the importance of recognizing the nature of our misdeeds, and assuming ownership of them; we hope that becomes a reality as you continue reading this blog.
This blog will reveal to us that everyone who has ever cheated on their lover or spouse has had to lie in 99% of infidelities committed. I know that sounds harsh; but it is true. It is impossible to cheat in a committed relationship without lying! There are at least 10-15 ways that cheaters lie. We will only deal with ten. Before we begin, let me be clear: Adultery/Marital Infidelity cannot be indulged in without a few lies; even if your tryst was as little as a day, a one night stand, or a few days; or one time or several times……..It does not matter! I can prove it! “Stay Tuned!”
To highlight the futility of lying, please note the following observations from the Bible. I must offer this disclaimer: You may not be a believer in the Holy Bible. I can respect that. Just indulge me to keep reading and judge later! Continuing, please consider what Moses said to the people of his day as they were preparing to go into the Promised Land. He counseled them as follows: “But if you do not do so, then take note, you have sinned against the LORD; and be sure your sin will find you out. (Numbers 32:23 KJV) and Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. (Luke 12:2 ESV)” These solemn, straight-forward statements will comprise the framework of our discussion. Ready!? OK, Let’s Go!
First of all, Why do people lie? Some of the reasons are: A. They want to hide their bad or dishonest behavior to prevent embarrassment or punishment. This is the reason most children learn to lie. B. They may want to protect someone or something. It could be themselves or someone else. C. Some people get a cheap thrill out of telling sensational lies. They spread untruths with a “glint” in their eyes and their mouth literally salivates as they are gossipping. ‘You know anyone like that? I do. There are many ways and reasons people offer of why they lie. As mentioned earlier, we are going to explore ten.
TEN COMMON LIES CHEATERS TELL THEIR LOVERS
- Falsification/Fabrication: This is your Bold-Faced Lie and the most common and easily employed. Example: “I am late getting home because I was held up in traffic for 2 hours on the freeway.”
- Concealing or Withholding The Truth: This is the situation where you know what you have done or not done and you do not tell your S.O. because you “found” a way to justify your silence on your misconduct. Examples: a. “I didn’t think I had to tell you because I asked God to forgive me and I asked my ‘partner in crime’ to forgive me and I thought I was good! I didn’t have to tell you!” Or b. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to hurt you!” Or c. “Is anything wrong?” “No, every’ting Eyeree!” Many people think that not telling their S.O. what they have done is not lying; but it is. Everyday that you fail to confess what you have done or not done, (and that you made a committment to do), and you go along as though you are OK, you are lying. This is not to imply that you have to regurgitate every gory detail; but you must in no uncertain terms acknowledge, and reveal, your/the behaviour that has violated your covenant with that person. Rough, isn’t it?……. I know……but it is essential to have an honest relationship!
- Additionally, do not be dissuaded by the offended person if they say that “your confession is useless because I had to ask for it.” The Bible does not support that kind of position. Remember the Bible character, King David? The story is found in 2nd Samuel Chapters 11 and 12. David never voluntarily “confessed” his sin of co-habitating with Bathsheba. (He actually raped her. But that’s another story.) What happened was: when he was approached by the prophet, Nathan; he acknowledged his sin. In other words, he did not deny or lie about his behavior. He “owned up to it”! This is important; because there are individuals who believe that if you have to be told to confess; then the confession is no good. This kind of erroneous thinking is a “two-edged sword”. They should/must ask themselves, “Am I willing to subject myself to the same standards of conduct that I am imposing upon others??” This equality is essential to have a fair, honest relationship!
- Pardon this “re-direct”, but if you are thinking that you do not have to confess adultery to your S.O. or your spouse, you have another “think” coming! YOU CANNOT CLAIM IGNORANCE ON THIS MATTER! In other words: you cannot say: : “I didn’t know the gun was loaded!” Remember….You took a vow in public to “Keep only to thyself”, meaning only you and your spouse. If you cross that line, they must know, period!! You have to confess to them because adultery is a SIN AGAINST THEM as well as a sin against GOD. Otherwise, you are living a lie as long as you keep it from them for whatever reason you decide. Your married or “in a relationship” life with them, for however long, without your divulging your secret behavior makes one a liar. Points 2, 3, and 4 are so lengthy, because I have a special burden to emphasize the correct understanding of what confession is and what it is not, as well; and that there is a distinct difference between the two although the outcome is the same…….the truth is revealed.
- Deflection: This is sometimes used by a liar to avoid answering a self- incriminating question. The purpose of this response is to derail the questioner’s attention and quest for knowledge. Examples: The following are a few ways that a cheater may respond to questions: a. “Oh, that’s a good question” and continuing on without answering the question. b. They may question the question to throw you off: “Why are you asking me that question, when you know the answer?! c. Give an incomplete answer. d. Go on the attack: “Don’t ask me anything about what I did or did not do!” e. “I ‘ve already answered that! Why you keep asking me the same questions?” Finally, f., defer the question to someone else. “If you want to know, you can ask Chotee yourself. Don’t ask me!”
- Minimizing: This response by a person is designed to make their trangression or behavior somewhat less bad or undesirable as possble. An example could go like this: You were “sloppy drunk” but you stated that “I just had half a shot glass of wine!” Or, “I was over there just one time! And I stopped!”
- Exaggeration: On the other hand, exaggeration is very common among liars. Overstretching the truth. For example: The guy is as ugly as “home made sin”. But you tell him,”You are so fine and handsome!” Because you are interested in his money or his car, etc. “Sugar Daddys” always fall for such lines. The same goes for men who do and say similar things to women. They are lies!! Stop it!, because you know that as soon as something goes wrong; you will see how ugly they really are!
- Dismissal: Dismissing someone’s feelings, perceptions, and raw facts; giving the impression that you are not even taking them serious. Example: Edith saw John coming out of the bar with Joan. But when he was confronted by his “Significant Other”, he said, “That was not me! You must have me “mixed up” with somebody else!”
- Omission: Lying by omission, also known as a continuing misrepresentation or quote mining, occurs when an important fact is left out in order to foster a misconception. Lying by omission includes the failure to correct pre-existing misconceptions. Example: Laiella who is married to Bobby, had gone out for the evening to meet up with Eldridge. When she came home after 1:00 a.m., she told her husband that she had been out with “the girls” the entire time that she was away from their house which was about six hours, total. While it was true that she was out with the girls. It was only for about 45 minutes. The rest of the time she was with Eldridge.
- Denial/Delusion: This type of lie (liar) is complicated. They have “justified” their own bad behavior in their own eyes so long that they actually believe that they are being truthful. They usually portray themselves as the hero/heroine; (a “goody two shoes” person, if you will) or a victim of other’s lies, not their own, of course! Notice this quote: “A pathological liar lives with a false sense of reality. If confronted, they become defensive and never admit their lies.” (https://www.healthline.com>health).
- Broken Promises: Acutally, when most people promise their S.O. something; they will carry it out, or complete it or refrain from doing something or other. But when a person makes a promise, knowing that they are not going to honor the promise, THEY ARE LYING! Many people do that. WHY? I think that they do it because they want the current discussion to stop and they reason that if they promise to “stay straight, or faithful or “Not do it again”, that they will be let off the hook.
- Deception: This one is so very common that we have become comfortable being deceived. HOW?? Lying is a form of deception. It is giving some information while believing it to be untrue, intending to trick someone or cover up the truth by doing so. We, unfortunately, are living in a “scam age” where we have to decern and avoid deception on our cellular phones, on our computers, social media and T.V. “Oh, what tangled webs we weave, when we practice to deceive!” (Shakespeare) When we do this in our relationships…..we are liars!
SUMMARY:
In closing this blog, I would be remiss if I did not make an appeal to you to seriously examine yourself in view of what has been presented here. Especially, pay close attention to the declaration that John, the Revelator makes in Rev. 21:8. “But the fearfful , unbelieving, abominable, murderers, whoremongers, sorcerers, idolators, and ALL LIARS shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death!” (That’s scary!)
Secondly, I want to emphasize that lying, as bad as it is, is not THE UNPARDONABLE SIN. The only sin that is unpardonable is the sin that you do not confess to God and ask Him to forgive. There are those who will take issue with my theological position. But that is another blog! The Bible emphasizes that If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. ( 1 John 1:9 KJV)
I could appeal to you from the standpoint of avoidance of such an outcome as mentioned in Revelation 21, because of fear of the consequences. But I would rather emphasize the inner peace and contentment you can enjoy after “clearing up” any lies or false impressions you have perpertrated while you can….., While you are alive! While you have your mental faculties intact! While those whom you have lied to are still living! and finally…. While Mercy still lingers and Grace still holds the door open! DON’T WAIT! DO IT NOW!!
I do not usually pray in a blog; but I am impressed that “someone”, somewhere, needs the strength to face up to their behavior. They cannot “muster up” such strength in their own power to admit to themselves that they have a problem. It is for you/them that I offer this prayer:
Our Father in heaven, (Allah, the Merciful) , EL SHADDAI: We come to you in humility and yet with praise for your patience with us even as we were yet sinners and you died for us. Thank you for your priceless gift of salvation that you earned for us, paying with your life. Thank you for the free gift of forgiveness of all of our sins. Please give us the strength and wisdom to accept responsibility for our sinful behavior and the humility to reach out to you for your spiritual, psychological, and physical healing that You are ready and willing to give us NOW! We ask you to restore to those from whom we have stolen….. their peace, their security, their happiness and their lost opportunities; which we can never repay. Enable us to trust you that even though we may not be able to reach everyone that our lies have affected; You know our hearts and we know we are safe in your judgment. I ask you now, Lord, Please foregive me for any and all that I have said or done to misrepresent the truth. You have promised in your Word that you will throw our sins into the deepest part of the sea once we confess them to you……never to bring them up again. We claim and believe that promise! We thank you for hearing our prayer for we submit it in the name of Jesus, EL AMEN!
When you finish this short read, please be kind enough to leave a comment on the “comments” area. Thanks!
Author: Charles E. Creech, God’s Holey Men Need Mending; And So Do You! Available on Amazon and other platforms; and In KINDLE also.